Titus Matthew Part 1

Our smiley, determined, active little boy is ONE this week!!!-? How?? Weren’t we JUST 

washing our hands to enter the NICU or watching Titus discover his hands for the first time? 

Or encouraging him to take his first steps? We thank God every day for this sweet bundle 

of blessings.

You may think this story is about Titus, but in reality, it's much more than that. 

It's about God and the journey He brought us through. It's about His faithfulness and provision. 

In the lowest of lows, we felt Him holding us, wiping our tears & giving us strength to live 
one day at a time. 💙

Between Feb 17th and March 5th, I jotted down details at any hour of the day... anything 
from what I ate to what news the hematologist had for us. There's a lot of TMI, fyi. If you're 
a guy, you might not want to read it. Just saying... you've been warned. Things were written 
in past, present & future tense. I'm torn between 1) leaving it the way it is (raw) and 2) editing 
it so it reads more smoothly. I guess you'll get to find out what I did as you continue to read. :)

Here’s part one:

The story starts on February 16th (2 weeks before his due date.) On that particular Thursday, 

I worked my normal 8 hours at the daycare in our church, and up until this point my pregnancy 

was completely healthy and normal. But on this Thursday, something was wrong. I noticed our 

VERY active baby hadn’t kicked a single time during the afternoon/evening. At first I didn’t think 

much of it, but as time went on, I became more and more nervous. That night I couldn't sleep. I 

sat on the rocker in our living room, so my crying and praying wouldn’t wake Alec. I tried to do 

those kick tests. Drink juice, sit still, rub my belly. Nothing. Titus was not moving.

Friday- February 17, 2017

I couldn't bare it any longer, I felt guilt not going into work but I knew something was wrong. 

Alec drove me to the ER & got there a little before 7am. The ladies at the desk thought I was in

the early stages of labor. I said no, and then got all choked up as I tried to tell them I hadn't felt 

any kicks the whole day/night. They led me up to labor and delivery-- I changed into a gown 

(which I thought was overkill at the time-- we’ll just find his heartbeat and be on our way, right?!.) 

they hooked me up to the contraction & heartbeat monitor... immediately we heard a heartbeat!!! 

Praise the Lord! Tearful happiness. He was alive. I was so so worried. Then I thought we would 

be out of there within the hour...

Alec was excited to go on a weekend snowboarding trip in Montana with College Life guys that 

afternoon. We were hopeful because I know he was really looking forward to it!

But no. 

They wanted to monitor Titus for a while. Which was a good idea. They did a bio physical profile 

ultrasound (measuring movement, fluid, & something else). He got 2 points out of 8, so he failed 

it. To pass, he needed to kick 3 times in a 30 mins window and he didn't kick at all. /: Also, his 

heart rate was unsettling to doctors and the nurses. Instead of having a big range of beats per 

minute, example: 130-150beats/min (good) it was only 145-147ish beats/per minute (bad). So my 

options were to 1) be induced and most likely end up with a emergency c-section because he 

probably wouldn't be able to handle the stress of labor or 2) just go straight to a c-section. I was 

only 1 cm dilated so labor would have been very very long. My OB, Jill Olson (one of the sweetest 

ladies and doctors I know!!) came in and convinced me to go ahead with a c-section. This isn't 

exactly how I was planning it. Actually, it was the opposite of my plans. I had read so many natural 

labor books and skipped over all the c-section chapters... haha, but God knows what he's doing & 

has a sense of humor. I was ok with the procedure because I just wanted Titus to be ok!! And I 

wasn’t excited to labor for a day and a half and finish it off with an emergency c-section.

A baby?! Now??

I had been texting my boss, and I gave her the go ahead to tell our church family staff and have

them start praying. About 15 min later, the nurse  said, “Your pastor is here.” Alec and I just looked 

at each other and wondered which one. lol Keith?  Paul? :) Pastor Paul prayed over us and 
encouraged us. So we decided to go with a c-section before it got to "emergency" level. Emergency
level would've been scary!!! Life threatening to Titus, I would've been sedated and woken up
(groggy) 45 minutes after his birth. Alec would not have been allowed in the room either. Around
11 AM, I was brought to the operating room they put shots in my back which STUNG, but not for
very long. Alec got to come back, and at 12:04 we heard the beautiful cry Titus Matthew. He came
out with beautiful with dark brown hair!❤ Titus Matthew means "honorable gift from Yahweh". They
commented on how pale he looked and had to transfer him to the NICU for monitoring... his
hemoglobin was at 4!! Normal is 12.

He was alert and active which baffled the docs. He's a fighter for sure. 💙 As I recovered, he was
in the NICU. I got to be rolled in the see him after about an hour. Then I threw up from the meds
I was on... definitely did not feel great on my freshly cut open abdomen. 😅 😔

We got news that he needed nitrous oxide... and Fargo had it, so they spent until 7pm getting him
ready to transfer him via helicopter. One of the sweet flight nurses (Joan from Fargo) was a lactation
consultant and gave me a tutorial & helped me start hand expressing and pumping. 🙏🏼  I'm thankful
my OB doctor (Jill Olson) was able to stop by on her 5 and 10 min breaks to check up on me, explain
things, reassure me, hug me and be there. (She had administrative commitments that week and
wasn't obligated to check up on me or be there.) I'm so so grateful I went into the hospital AND that
we decided to just go straight to the c-section ❤ Praise God for that wisdom!

Rhogam vials. They are fake antibodies given to mothers with O negative blood (that's me!!) so that
their body doesn’t make antibodies against baby’s blood. It wouldn’t affect Titus, but would affect
future pregnancies. I needed 6 total because my and his blood was mixing- a lot. Praise the Lord they
can administer through my IV. I don't know if I could've handle 6 of those butt shots (it's routine
to get one at 28 weeks gestation)! And they hurt like heck.

I'm trying to pump every 2 hours. It's work, and I've only done it twice and have maybe gotten
1 ml total. He's worth it though! Alec and I stayed in a recovery room that night. They gave us a
cupcake and sparkling cider, but we weren't really in the mood to celebrate since Titus was in a
different hospital an hour away. :(

I got to FaceTime my mom in the middle of the night. She's in Germany along with the rest
of my family. ❤ Now it's early (3am early) Saturday morning.

Alec's parents are flying into Fargo around noon. Leslie came over with some Mother's Milk Tea.
Steph, Susanna & Haleigh came by to chat, and it was so nice to distract my mind from the
"what if's" of Titus. Praying for this sweet baby! I really want to be down there with him, but I
know I need to rest. Praying for Alec too. He's been so helpful, and I can just tell he's exhausted.
Please give him rest. And he was suppose to go snowboarding in Montana. I know he was looking
toward to that. :\

Every time Fargo calls to give us a Titus update, we have to give them a password for confidentiality
purposes. We chose the word Ocean. :) The doctor Saturday morning and said Titus is improving
from yesterday, but he has some fluid in his abdomen. He's also gained weight because of the blood
transfusion and IV fluid.

My blood was drawn this morning to check hemoglobin. It's good.

Ate breakfast with Alec.

BEST NEWS EVER: Dr. might let me out this late afternoon!!!!!!

A friend from Hope Church has a mother living in Fargo, and is willing to let us stay at her house
as long as we'd like. Like what?! THANK YOU, LORD.

Pray that I can 1) walk, 2) pee on my own (I had a catheter) and 3) handle the pain. Need to check
those 3 boxes to leave!
Couple hours later: Walked! Peed! And I'm handling the pain-kinda!! Ha, ohhhh the will-power!

Check check CHECK!!

Give me all the drugs.

Going to Fargo this evening! (...even though I had a c-section the day before!)❤❤

It was an emotional roller coaster driving down there. Balling. He is so beautiful though, I think as
I look at pictures and videos Alec took when Titus was up in Grand Forks.

We met up with Alec's parents, Adam, Megan & her mom in Fargo. :)
We have to wash our hands thoroughly for 2 painstaking minutes at a "scrub station" before
entering the NICU. It was emotional seeing him for the first time, again. He's sedated to
reduce the stress. (His body's been through a lot.) He's on 55% oxygen. Yesterday it was 100%-
so improvements! We/adults use about 21%... he's on nitric oxide still. He's also on 2 different
blood pressure medications and fentanyl (a pain reliever drug stronger than morphine.)
They gave him calcium before we left that night. He's being monitored very closely. The nurse (Kim)
let me help take his temp, and she explained more than my tired brain was able to absorb. 😊

I get 3 meal tickets for the cafeteria per day since I'm pumping milk; which by the way hurts. 

but that is such a blessing! Alec and I have a place to stay AND food. God provides. 

The nurse said I could pump right next to him tomorrow ❤

Sunday- Feb 19, 2017 Day 2 at the NICU.
The morning pumping was better than the nights. I tried relaxing more. Nurse today was Janda.
Dr did his rounds: They are pretty sure it's not bacterial or viral so they're taking him off those
meds. 🙌🏼 He had low platelets so he had a platelet and fresh frozen plasma transfusion this morning.
He had a catheter in to help pee because of pressure in his abdomen. The big mystery is where (and
why) did all his blood go. Thankfully no brain bleeding. They don't test for it yet, but there are possibly
some neurological issues since his blood was acidic for so long. (From birth to getting down here...
7+ hrs).

The lactation consultant helped me figure things out a little bit more! PTL 👍🏼

I've pumped twice next to him (once with the consultant) and got about 1 ml each time!!! 😍
So happy. Baby steps. Every drop is precious gold. Ate lunch at the cafeteria. I was sooo hungry &
therefore kinda cranky towards Alec 😔, but food helped. Blessed with the meal tickets we get
everyday. The last thing on my mind is cooking meals.

Matt & Emilie Bahr stopped by (knew them in College Life years ago, they recently had their baby in
the NICU here because he was a premie.) They understand and had a little gift for us ❤ I cried.

                   

Got to come home and napped!! Felt really good. Showered for the first time since Wednesday(?!)
Also felt really good. Alec and I went on a walk- it was so beautiful and "warm" outside!! Like 55...
in Feb! I'll take it. Alec's parent brought over Chipotle for dinner. Pumped again and spent the
evening with Titus❤

my little milk stash (I was so proud of it!)

The nurses do his vitals every 4 hrs (at 9, 1 & 5... am/pm) & part of that includes
taking his temp, changing his diaper & swabbing his mouth with my milk. I got to do those!!
So happy. His body's dependence on O2 and NO are slowly being weaned. You are strong baby!
We love you! We left that night peaceful. Carisa was his nurse that night and she is so sweet!
Explained all the numbers and machines around him. In all honesty, all the nurses are sweet. NICU
nurses are some of the best people on the planet. As much as I hated leaving Titus, I knew he was
in the best hands possible. And it wasn't just this night that I hated leaving him... it was every night.