A Hope & Future

If this post sounds scatter-brained, I apologize. I wrote it yesterday- after I received a letter. 

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I don't know how I feel. I really don't.

Dread? Relief? Sorrow? Pain? Confused? Questionable? Regret? A failure? A loser? The underdog?

A (almost) 4.0 GPA student with above average scores on all three tests... How did I not get accepted? How did I fail? The letter didn't even have my name on it. How personal... HA!

"Regretfully, we are unable to offer you a position in our Program for the Fall 2012 due to the limited enrollment."

Will I miraculously get in? Am I even on a waiting list? Should I get my hopes up, again? Should I be happily accepting that God obviously wants me somewhere else? Should I be persistent and apply next year? Do I pursue diagnostic medical sonography, because God knows that deep down inside I don't actually want to be a dental hygienist---- Or do I? How do I stay focused on school when I don't have any goals to set my mind on? What do I do now? What? 

Ok, enough with the questions, right? 

But the question in the front of my mind is this: Does God want me someplace else? Or will I get in and He wants to let me pursue this? Mentally, what do I do in the meantime? My mind is exploding with questions... 

I think He is teaching me a lesson in faith. Real faith. Not the cute little bracelets with the word faith on them or the lovely wall art decor with the word painted on it. Not that kind of faith. The kind of faith I'm talking about is the faith that requires me to remind myself that God loves me, and He has a plan for me-- greater that I can image! A faith that melts all questions, fears, sorrow and worries away. God has my hopes and future held gently in His hands. He holds them so perfectly that I have no reason to worry.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

And yet, I do worry. Why? Because I'm human, AND humans are stupid: worry does not add one day to anyone's life, but for some reason we think it's an important thing to do. So we do it.

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his life? -Luke 12:25

So I'm moving in less than 2 months?? WHAT! Really? I have to say good-bye to Washington? My church family? the nursery? Buna Coffee&Tea? Awana? Club Beyond: middle and high school? Pierce College? My little city? Seattle? The Northwest? 

ALL. MY. FRIENDS?

gulp!

2 months. 2! only two. 60 short days. 

Now! Now I'm going to start crying. 

I don't want to leave all that in exchange for Hawaii. It doesn't sound worth it.

But let me remind myself for the fiftieth time out of a thousand... God is holding my hope & a future in his wonderful, perfect hands. He gives & takes away! Bless it be the name of the Lord.